I don't know why I didn't know about this contest until after the fact.
It's pretty much the story of my life...but.
Some dude won $250 for being the worst prose writer in the San Jose State University's 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
The opening sentence -
"Gerald began -- but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a
ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash -- to pee."
Unfortunately, I probably write this badly without trying. And, I know that some of my students do. Comes from having a teacher like me, I suppose. Maybe I could have....
The organizer of the contest, Scott Rice, an English Professor at San Jose State calls the entry a "syntactic atrocity" that
"if you think about it, unless it's a flashback, there's not very far you could get with that story."Entrants are asked to submit bad opening sentences to nonexistent novels.
Winners are chosen for several categories - "dishonorable mention" awards for "purple prose" and "vile puns."
The sounds you heard coming from beneath your bed when you were young, unless you still think you are young which in case you may still hear them and whine until you parents tell you it's the wind or the dog, except that the dog died when the house was broken into and the police discovered a molester in the closet who was thirsty and followed the light thinking it would take him to refrigerator, but got caught inside when you wouldn't believe your parents because you believed in your heart of hearts that the sounds were made by witches who cooked little boys and girls for dinner...which we all know is true.
What's the worst opening sentence you can come up with?
Enter the contests for one of the worst sentences for opening liners.
Entering the airport from Birmingham to San Jose, Miss Diane was in for a shock because first of all she expected to see the cameras flashing because surely this being California and all there should have been some sort of movie star in first class but then again her son thought Miss Diane's friend, living in San Jose, was probably right next door to his favorite tv reality show, The Osborns. Tears were exchanged and welcome because this was their 30 reunion and they picked up their friendship right where it left off years ago. Denise promised Miss Diane, once she landed in San Jose she would want to live there and never return to the south again but the southern blood was running through Miss Diane's viens, full forced. Sitting in the backyard in San Jose, Miss Diane, ask, "Where are the birds? The sounds of the frogs at night? The humidity? The only place I felt at home was in DisneyLand on the pirate ride."
Posted by: DIANE | December 8, 2007 6:11 PM | Permalink to Comment